I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
