I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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