Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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