I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
