Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
