remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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