I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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