i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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