I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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