Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
