I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Farmville is her only friend.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
