i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
