Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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