I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
