there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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