Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
