he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
