On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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