Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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