He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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