I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
