Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
