porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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