my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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