Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
