He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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