My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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