You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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