Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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