all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
