he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
