YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
