Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
