It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
