you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
