hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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