she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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