I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
