He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
