This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You ruined the universe
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
