Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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