His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize