she was so not down for the gang bang
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
