i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
