You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
