Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
