We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
