Whod you bang
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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