Sacagawea was the original milf.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
