walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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