So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I understand Curling. That high.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
