I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
